Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i want to swaddle you in tequila
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
