i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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