did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
