I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He? As in you personified your dick?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
