I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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