I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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