Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
