k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
