Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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