Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You're earring is so big in my mouth
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
