i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
