May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Walk of Shame today included voting.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
