I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
