porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
