too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
