well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
