standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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