batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
