I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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