dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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