she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
