..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
