Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
