I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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