forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
