Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
