That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
