someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
