it hurts more in the daytime
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
