Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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