I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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