got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
