I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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