If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
