she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
