I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
