Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
