I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
