Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
he just fucked me for my cheese.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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