What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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