Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
