Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
