I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
