we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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