Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
