i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
