his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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