I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
