I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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