I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
