I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
