I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
we're so committed to being not committed
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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