Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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